Just had a small read of the Angels forums and some of the comments struck a nerve. The gist of these comments were 'They look great. No way should they be treated badly when they look so good!".
Well, excuse me, but, even if you looked like the back end of a donkey, no way should you be treated badly!
These people may not be aware of it but they are perpetuating the belief that you have to look a certain way to be considered OK.
The media takes this to an extreme of course - size zero models airbrushed within an inch of their lives! For example, I was reading through Company magazine today and it struck me how thin all the women were in it. I found it positively unsettling! But how many women read such magazines without realising the message they're being force fed?
And now we have transgendered people adding their bit to this brainwashing. People who really should know better imho! For, if they're anything like me, they know damned well that not looking a certain way is deeply upsetting! And, if they've lived a life anything like mine, they know at first hand that not looking a certain way gets you picked on and bullied. And yet there they were effectively siding with their bullies and abusers!
Imho trans people should be first in the queue for telling people that it's NOT acceptable to be bullied just because of the way you look! That it is OK to be different! That it is OK to present in your own inimitable style! Equal rights for all means EQUAL RIGHTS FOR ALL - not just the ones we think look nice!!
Friday, 27 August 2010
Sunday, 22 August 2010
It's Official!
I am now legally Claire Jenny Rice. I signed my deed poll yesterday (witnessed by my good friend Jay). "Tim" has been consigned to history.
So this was my first week at work and I feel it went very well. There's only one chap I've noticed not make any effort to call me Claire. Whether this is deliberate or he's just thick I don't know and I don't care - it amounts to the same thing. However, I shan't be getting argy with him as I feel that would be counterproductive (unless he did something more obviously transphobic) and am just hoping peer pressure will get to him and he'll follow suit like the rest of them.
So one tiny fly in the ointment then. A far better result than I feared! :-)
On Thursday I went to Rhyl to get my haircut by the wonderful and wonderfully talented Penny. Up to now I'd just been growing it and letting it do it's own thing because I didn't really have much of a clue what I wanted to do with it. However, I asked my friends and had a good search on Google and came up with some ideas. Penny wasn't so sure it'd work with the hair I've got so she handed me a few hairstyle magazines when I got to Rhyl and I found a couple more styles I liked. With all that information Penny had an idea of the kind of thing I wanted and then set about personalising my hair to suit my face and my personality and I have to say she totally hit the nail on the head! I love it! In fact the last couple of days I've been getting a wee bit emotional every time I look in the mirror - I finally look like the woman I always felt I was! And this is what it looks like (with the fabulous Penny beside me)...
After my haircut I stayed for the Unique meeting that was being held at the same place. We had a talk from someone doing research for hate crimes which lead to a 'heated debate'.
I also met a young lady there who was recently outed by The Daily (Hate) Mail and has subsequently been the subject of the oik known as Richard Littlejohn's column in the same rag as well as finding herself on the website for the National Front! Now considering she's a copper you can imagine the danger she's now been put in because of some stupid newspaper (if you can call it that!) thinking it's OK to out someone just because they're a transsexual! So, if you can all do me a favour and boycott The Daily (Hate) Mail for the rest of it's existence I'd be extremely grateful!
On Friday I had my fourth session of laser on my beard area. This time she started on my top lip (the most sensitive area!) which made me wonder what I'd done to upset her!! Lol!
However, I am really happy with the results and so must she be as she doesn't want to see me for five weeks (instead of the usual four) when she previously said at the initial consultation it wouldn't be until the sixth session before she started to reassess things.
On Saturday I went to Transforum again (with Jay and Gwen giving me a most welcome lift in their car) where we had lectures on the new equality legislation - which doesn't seem to be worth the paper it's printed on! It's so woolly you just know it's gonna get used and abused by all kinds of unscrupulous people!
Afterwards we went to the Shang Hai for their all-you-can-eat buffet as usual but, whether it was just because it was quieter than usual or I don't know what, they brought out a lot more food to our table than usual - which made the buffet almost superfluous! :-)
So, coming up to date, today I have done the weekly shopping by myself again as John just does not have the energy at the moment. Still, I did have a nice brave soldier type chap collecting for the Heroes charity help me pack which was most welcome! :-)
But John did have the energy to cook some Chilli for tea. :-)
So this was my first week at work and I feel it went very well. There's only one chap I've noticed not make any effort to call me Claire. Whether this is deliberate or he's just thick I don't know and I don't care - it amounts to the same thing. However, I shan't be getting argy with him as I feel that would be counterproductive (unless he did something more obviously transphobic) and am just hoping peer pressure will get to him and he'll follow suit like the rest of them.
So one tiny fly in the ointment then. A far better result than I feared! :-)
On Thursday I went to Rhyl to get my haircut by the wonderful and wonderfully talented Penny. Up to now I'd just been growing it and letting it do it's own thing because I didn't really have much of a clue what I wanted to do with it. However, I asked my friends and had a good search on Google and came up with some ideas. Penny wasn't so sure it'd work with the hair I've got so she handed me a few hairstyle magazines when I got to Rhyl and I found a couple more styles I liked. With all that information Penny had an idea of the kind of thing I wanted and then set about personalising my hair to suit my face and my personality and I have to say she totally hit the nail on the head! I love it! In fact the last couple of days I've been getting a wee bit emotional every time I look in the mirror - I finally look like the woman I always felt I was! And this is what it looks like (with the fabulous Penny beside me)...
I also met a young lady there who was recently outed by The Daily (Hate) Mail and has subsequently been the subject of the oik known as Richard Littlejohn's column in the same rag as well as finding herself on the website for the National Front! Now considering she's a copper you can imagine the danger she's now been put in because of some stupid newspaper (if you can call it that!) thinking it's OK to out someone just because they're a transsexual! So, if you can all do me a favour and boycott The Daily (Hate) Mail for the rest of it's existence I'd be extremely grateful!
On Friday I had my fourth session of laser on my beard area. This time she started on my top lip (the most sensitive area!) which made me wonder what I'd done to upset her!! Lol!
However, I am really happy with the results and so must she be as she doesn't want to see me for five weeks (instead of the usual four) when she previously said at the initial consultation it wouldn't be until the sixth session before she started to reassess things.
On Saturday I went to Transforum again (with Jay and Gwen giving me a most welcome lift in their car) where we had lectures on the new equality legislation - which doesn't seem to be worth the paper it's printed on! It's so woolly you just know it's gonna get used and abused by all kinds of unscrupulous people!
Afterwards we went to the Shang Hai for their all-you-can-eat buffet as usual but, whether it was just because it was quieter than usual or I don't know what, they brought out a lot more food to our table than usual - which made the buffet almost superfluous! :-)
So, coming up to date, today I have done the weekly shopping by myself again as John just does not have the energy at the moment. Still, I did have a nice brave soldier type chap collecting for the Heroes charity help me pack which was most welcome! :-)
But John did have the energy to cook some Chilli for tea. :-)
Monday, 16 August 2010
First Day At Work
So today was my first day at work as Claire and it went rather well. Most made the effort to call me Claire, even if they sometimes forgot, and absolutely no one was at all nasty to me. In fact, the day got off to a great start with the lovely Dianne complimenting me on my appearance. :-) Mike, who has a stutter, was also amusing. I don't think I could've chosen a worst name for him to try to pronounce! Lol!
Also rewarding was having a clear head since all the thoughts of "should I, shouldn't I" (and worse) are gone as I've quite obviously made the decision that I shall! :-) Not being distracted by my dysphoria is something to savour - I just hope it lasts!
So today was wonderfully life affirming and my most common thought of the day was "Why didn't I do this ages ago?"!! :-)
However, I came home to some worrying news... John had another X-Ray today and the X-Rayer was obviously concerned and told John to go see his GP tomorrow but wouldn't tell him what it was! Which is just flipping great - if you're gonna worry someone that's a great way of doing it! Why not just tell him so we can either cry ourselves to sleep or put our minds to rest?!!
Also rewarding was having a clear head since all the thoughts of "should I, shouldn't I" (and worse) are gone as I've quite obviously made the decision that I shall! :-) Not being distracted by my dysphoria is something to savour - I just hope it lasts!
So today was wonderfully life affirming and my most common thought of the day was "Why didn't I do this ages ago?"!! :-)
However, I came home to some worrying news... John had another X-Ray today and the X-Rayer was obviously concerned and told John to go see his GP tomorrow but wouldn't tell him what it was! Which is just flipping great - if you're gonna worry someone that's a great way of doing it! Why not just tell him so we can either cry ourselves to sleep or put our minds to rest?!!
Friday, 13 August 2010
Settling Down
Well, it seems that it took more than a few days for me to get used to the idea that this is permanent (and probably more yet) but I feel like I'm settling into this now... just ready for work next week! Yikes!
I feel the turning point was yesterday when I had a "slob" day cos John had to go back to Preston for a hospital appointment and so I didn't feel the need to do much - didn't even brush my hair! What a slob!
However, it was the first time I felt like I connected with the person staring back at me in the mirror and thought "Yeah, that's me: Claire". :-)
It's an odd thing - if I don't look at my reflection I feel at one with myself... but if I look in the mirror it's another matter. Hopefully, yesterday was a sign of that beginning to change and I can start to find some of that elusive self-belief my counsellors went on about. :-)
I feel the turning point was yesterday when I had a "slob" day cos John had to go back to Preston for a hospital appointment and so I didn't feel the need to do much - didn't even brush my hair! What a slob!
However, it was the first time I felt like I connected with the person staring back at me in the mirror and thought "Yeah, that's me: Claire". :-)
It's an odd thing - if I don't look at my reflection I feel at one with myself... but if I look in the mirror it's another matter. Hopefully, yesterday was a sign of that beginning to change and I can start to find some of that elusive self-belief my counsellors went on about. :-)
Tuesday, 10 August 2010
Psychological Adjustment
One of the things that have surprised me are the adjustments I've had to make psychologically.
Even though I've wanted to make this transition for a long long while it took me a few days to adjust to the realisation that this is forever now.
Call me naive but I wasn't expecting it to require a psychological adjustment that this is forever - it is, after all, exactly what I want! And I've wanted it for a long long time! All the same, it did take a few days of adjustment to get my head around achieving my goal.
Another psychological adjustment is the realisation that I was actually afraid of being girly! I guess I was afraid if I did so I'd do exactly what I have done - transition. Well, there's nothing to be afraid of and now I am 'letting the girl out' and making a few changes here and there.
The first major one is my hairstyle. My hair is currently a mess and I dislike it a great deal but I was devoid of ideas of what to do with it. So I put an appeal on Facebook and was suggested a bob - something I'd previously turned my nose up because it was too girly! I did a Google search and had a trawl through all the pictures and found a style that is sort of bobby but is actually called a shag(!!). I like it a great deal and have passed the pictures on to Penny (the wonderful lady who did my makeover last month) and I'm now awaiting feedback. I'm worried that my hair may be too greasy to achieve that style but we'll see what Penny says.
The last psychological adjustment I want to talk about is my identity. Before this week I'd been keen to find out about speech therapy, hormones and GRS as I thought that's what I'd require to make a success of my transition. However, I am now worried about losing my identity if I do so.
Thus I feel if I seek to feminise my voice I am in fact perverting my identity. Likewise (and more obviously so) if I take hormones and undergo GRS (there are other factors why I'm unsure of these as well of course - like my family's health history!).
I also fear if I start on a path of trying to hide the fact I was born male it will make me feel self-concious again and, when that was a motivator for me transitioning in the first place, I don't want to go back to that place if I can help it. If nothing else, these first few days of my transition, I am very much enjoying the sense of liberty I have of being able to be myself and not shutting down parts of my personality because that doesn't fit the gender norm. So I'm not going to willingly throw that liberty away now I've finally got it!
Of course, talking about the future is rarely a good idea because you never know how things are gonna turn out and, for example, if I was on the dole for a couple of years because I hadn't managed to find an employer liberal minded enough to give an openly transgendered person a job I may very well change my mind (if not long before!).
However, I am hoping things will continue much the way they have - that if you are confident in yourself then people just go with it. Yup, having balls sure gets you a long way in life! :-D
Even though I've wanted to make this transition for a long long while it took me a few days to adjust to the realisation that this is forever now.
Call me naive but I wasn't expecting it to require a psychological adjustment that this is forever - it is, after all, exactly what I want! And I've wanted it for a long long time! All the same, it did take a few days of adjustment to get my head around achieving my goal.
Another psychological adjustment is the realisation that I was actually afraid of being girly! I guess I was afraid if I did so I'd do exactly what I have done - transition. Well, there's nothing to be afraid of and now I am 'letting the girl out' and making a few changes here and there.
The first major one is my hairstyle. My hair is currently a mess and I dislike it a great deal but I was devoid of ideas of what to do with it. So I put an appeal on Facebook and was suggested a bob - something I'd previously turned my nose up because it was too girly! I did a Google search and had a trawl through all the pictures and found a style that is sort of bobby but is actually called a shag(!!). I like it a great deal and have passed the pictures on to Penny (the wonderful lady who did my makeover last month) and I'm now awaiting feedback. I'm worried that my hair may be too greasy to achieve that style but we'll see what Penny says.
The last psychological adjustment I want to talk about is my identity. Before this week I'd been keen to find out about speech therapy, hormones and GRS as I thought that's what I'd require to make a success of my transition. However, I am now worried about losing my identity if I do so.
Thus I feel if I seek to feminise my voice I am in fact perverting my identity. Likewise (and more obviously so) if I take hormones and undergo GRS (there are other factors why I'm unsure of these as well of course - like my family's health history!).
I also fear if I start on a path of trying to hide the fact I was born male it will make me feel self-concious again and, when that was a motivator for me transitioning in the first place, I don't want to go back to that place if I can help it. If nothing else, these first few days of my transition, I am very much enjoying the sense of liberty I have of being able to be myself and not shutting down parts of my personality because that doesn't fit the gender norm. So I'm not going to willingly throw that liberty away now I've finally got it!
Of course, talking about the future is rarely a good idea because you never know how things are gonna turn out and, for example, if I was on the dole for a couple of years because I hadn't managed to find an employer liberal minded enough to give an openly transgendered person a job I may very well change my mind (if not long before!).
However, I am hoping things will continue much the way they have - that if you are confident in yourself then people just go with it. Yup, having balls sure gets you a long way in life! :-D
All Change
So, now being post transition, I've decided to amalgamate all my blogs into one. And this is it! (In case you hadn't already worked that out!)
The next thing I should say is that I've realised the mistake I made with my previous blogs - I wasn't always honest and forthright. Well, this blog will be, so beware - you might not like what you read! My blog is often the only way I can get my thoughts out into the open (often not having the courage to voice them publicly) and so if I'm holding back to spare people's feelings I'm not doing myself any favours. So, sorry, that will not be happening any more. I obviously won't set out to intentionally hurt people though and, if I do hurt your feelings, don't feel you just have to sit back and take it! Tackle me on it! It may very well be a simple misunderstanding. And anyway, I like a good argument (in writing)! :-)
As this blog is an amalgamation of my previous blogs it will thus be a bit haphazard and an entry may very well just be a crossword or a bunch of lyrics I've written to a non-existent song and I make no apologies for that. My imagination is rather scattered so it's only fair that my blog reflect that.
Another thing I should say is that I don't blog very often and so, if you really want to see what I'm up to, your task will be made far easier if you track me down on Facebook (email if you want the details).
So this is it - a new blog for a new(ish) me!
Claire xx
The next thing I should say is that I've realised the mistake I made with my previous blogs - I wasn't always honest and forthright. Well, this blog will be, so beware - you might not like what you read! My blog is often the only way I can get my thoughts out into the open (often not having the courage to voice them publicly) and so if I'm holding back to spare people's feelings I'm not doing myself any favours. So, sorry, that will not be happening any more. I obviously won't set out to intentionally hurt people though and, if I do hurt your feelings, don't feel you just have to sit back and take it! Tackle me on it! It may very well be a simple misunderstanding. And anyway, I like a good argument (in writing)! :-)
As this blog is an amalgamation of my previous blogs it will thus be a bit haphazard and an entry may very well just be a crossword or a bunch of lyrics I've written to a non-existent song and I make no apologies for that. My imagination is rather scattered so it's only fair that my blog reflect that.
Another thing I should say is that I don't blog very often and so, if you really want to see what I'm up to, your task will be made far easier if you track me down on Facebook (email if you want the details).
So this is it - a new blog for a new(ish) me!
Claire xx
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