My playlist this week is The Best Of Boxing Day which can be found here: Playlist
And if you click on my user name, cynicalair, on that page it will take you to all the playlists I've made this year - just in case you've missed any!
Sunday, 26 December 2010
Christmas
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| Martin The Snowman © Claire Rice 2010 |
The snow also meant that I had to cancel my birthday drinks as I wasn't risking going into Manchester and wasn't gonna be responsible for anyone else risking it just for my birthday! So that's yet another birthday without any kind of party! I think I can count the amount of birthday parties I've had in my lifetime on one hand - possibly even two fingers! Next year I'm arranging my party for August! (Seriously!)
Then I got myself a cold and missed work on Tuesday - which didn't impress my boss! Not that he said anything but you could just tell by the tone of his voice he wasn't impressed!
So, feeling a bit guilty, I went in work for the rest of the week which turned out to be a waste of my time as there was sod all to do! And I ended up reading magazines and playing silly elf games on the computer! Still, I shouldn't really complain for being paid £16k for reading magazines and playing computer games should I!
So then Christmas arrived and it was a quiet affair. John seemed overwhelmed by his pressies a bit - and those were just mine! And I got some nice new boots, a jewelry box, slipper socks and a lovely card from John.
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| John - messy as ever! © Claire Rice 2010 |
But we haven't started on the Christmas cake or Christmas puds as we're trying to save them for when Mum and Dad are here. Whether we succeed or not is another matter! They go off in 2012 so they really need eating up!
So that's it really - I feel spoilt by all the generosity of my friends and family. They're a great bunch of people so I shall end this post by raising a toast to them...
Thanks for everything you've done for me this year. I hope you've had a very Merry Christmas and will have a very Happy New Year!
Claire xxx
Monday, 13 December 2010
A Weekend In Winter
It's been a while since I posted and that is largely because I'm lazy and can not be bothered. Some things happened during that time and other things didn't. So moving on to recent times...
On Friday, after waiting for John to get back from the doctors, I set off for Llandudno for Unique's Winter Weekend. Trying out the satnav for the first time, I plugged in the destination and set off presuming it would take me the most logical way - down the M6 and across. However, as things transpired it didn't happen that way! The first problem is that our close is obviously in a blackspot and so the satnav told me to turn left when I was expecting to turn right. Being a trusting person, I presumed that this was correct and filled with curiosity and promise of a short cut to the motorway I hadn't discovered in the three years I've lived there, I followed it's instructions... and I ended up going through Liverpool and the Mersey Tunnel(s) to Birkinhead and then down from there along the coastline to Llandudno! Not exactly the route I had expected! To make matters worse, the satnav's maps are obviously not up to date and so it was telling me about roundabouts that weren't there and vise versa and doesn't seem to like suggesting doing u-turns and so I ended up taking quite a few unexpected detours! But I got there in the end!
As coincidence would have it, Jayne was in the lobby as I arrived and very kindly helped me with the bags from the car and I booked in and then we both carried my stuff up to my room. Then Jayne departed and left me to unpack.
It was rather a pokey little room more of the quality I would expect at a B&B rather than a hotel and the ensuite showerroom was even smaller! But a rather cute teddy bear was there waiting for me on the bed which instantly brightened my mood! Sadly, he was £26 to adopt and so I couldn't afford to take him home with me but I shall remember our time together fondly. :-) I also should mention that, as it transpired, my bed was surprisingly comfy and I slept well in it (with the exception of my body clock still set to work hours - i.e. waking up at 5.30 am each morning!) - but my tv was not so accommodating and had to be fixed before I could watch anything on it (which I didn't in the end, it was such a fully packed weekend!).
So, after unpacking, I went and joined Jayne in the "Garden room" which is where I met Jasmine for the first time. In times gone past polite people may've described Jasmine as "a character"... but the rude ones would probably have settled for "a loony"! You see, it's Jasmine's penchant to dress in fancy dress all the time and so, when I first met her, she was dressed as a flower - a "daft-odil" as she said herself - with bright green bodysuit, yellow trainers and a daffodil headdress! So, as you might imagine, Jasmine is not exactly shy and retiring and is full of good humour. So we sat in the "Garden room" for a while with a few of the others and had a chat. Sadly though, the conversation got a bit 'blokey' and I rapidly lost interest and the final nail in the coffin was when they moved on to the subject of race. So I made my excuses and retired to my room to prepare myself for the evening buffet.
For the evening buffet I wore my black top I bought on Bury market with the tidy trousers I bought from M&S and accompanied it with my tidy work shoes (which were from M&S also). I styled my hair as Penny had shown me back in the summer and did my makeup. I think I looked rather elegant and Gillian, at least, seemed to like how I'd done my hair. :-)
The buffet itself was very tasty but the selection was rather limited I thought and slightly bizarre to do one side salad and on the other side baked spuds with baked beans and cheese as they don't really go together do they! For desert they offered cheesecake and gateaux but, again, it was rather thin on the ground and so I felt obliged to only have a thin slice of each and there definitely wasn't any left when I was thinking about having seconds!
After the buffet we moved into the bar for the disco. This was when I first found out the bar prices in the hotel - and they weren't cheap! (But probably standard for a hotel, as I believe hotel bars are notoriously expensive). Anyway, the disco was quite entertaining - for the wrong reasons! I enjoyed the music but, clearly, it wasn't to everyone's tastes and it seemed that whenever people took to the floor Debbi would put a different style of music on and it would instantly clear again! Lol! Then, at about 11.30pm, I was tired and headed off to bed.
As previously mentioned, my bodyclock was still set to working hours, and so I awoke at 5.30am. Not wanting to sit in bed reading my magazine and thereby getting a stiff neck, I had a shower and went out for a walk at about 6.30am with my camera with the intention of taking photos of the christmas lights.
I headed down to the bay first though and took a couple of pictures - some came out quite well, others most definitely didn't! Then I headed into the centre to take photos of the lights... except there weren't any! Obviously, with all the cutbacks, the council was being miserly and running them on a timer and so they weren't all switched on yet! Not to worry, I took photos of what there was and said good morning to the street cleaner as he passed. :-) I then headed back to the hotel and took a few photos of it bathed in it's ambient lighting but by then I was shaking too much to get more than one decent photo. So I went back into the hotel just after they unlocked the front door and headed back off to my room to prepare for breakfast.
At 8.30am I joined the others for breakfast and had some Weetabix and porridge. Jasmine joined us but this time was dressed boringly (for her!) in a pink bodysuit which she could zip all the way up - and I do mean all the way up!
After breakfast, I retired to my room for a bit before joining Gwen and Jayne for a bit of shopping. We had a good wander around all the shops and I found a cute little pink dragon which I got as a souvenir for John. I also found 3 sets of earrings and was treated to two mince pies and pot of tea by Gwen. The mince pies had meringue on top, instead of pastry, and were absolutely yummy! :-)
At lunch time I had a very brief natter with John on the mobile and was relieved to hear that he was doing OK. I do tend to worry about him these days with him being in such bad health - which probably gets on his nerves, me fussing over him! But I love the swine so what can I do?!!
After our wander around town we headed back to the hotel and Gwen retired to her room to recuperate whilst Jayne went into the bar and ordered their lunch where I joined her after depositing my stuff in my room. I joined in with them on the sandwiches and had prawn cocktail ones which, perversely enough, was quite a generous helping! (Why are they generous with the sarnies and skimpy on the main meals?? Something needs to be addressed here methinks!)
Then, whilst we were sat in the bar, Debbi put a film on - Different For Girls - which wasn't exactly a 'feel good' movie and it's just as well I'm not on the hormones yet cos I was teary enough as it was after watching that! I don't regret watching the movie though cos I found it therapeutic and it helped me to begin to address some stuff I've been avoiding.
After the movie I retired to my room for a bit before I found Penny for my makeover in preparation for the Gala meal.
Before the weekend I'd contacted Penny about my makeover and sent her a piccie of the dress I was gonna wear with the instruction that I wanted to look glam and make people's jaws drop (in a good way!). Penny was kind enough to suggest accessories for the dress and, when I went for my makeover, she set to work doing my make-up and hair. And she achieved my ambitions and then some! I looked - and felt - absolutely stunning! I really can't thank her enough for making that possible for me! Forget Jimmy Saville - book Penny to make your dreams come true! :-)
So, yes, when I came down for the Gala meal I got a very good reception off everybody and they all said how glamorous I looked which really put me on cloud 9! :-)
For the meal they'd organised us into tables with a member of the Unique committee on each table. The table was very well decorated but, because of the candelabra in the middle, I couldn't actually see Debbi on the other side!
For the meal we'd been asked to order well in advance and so it was very handy that each table had a print out of what we'd ordered on it to remind us! I started with melon, followed with sorbet, turkey for my mains and finished it off with a welsh cheeseboard. Everything was very tasty (apart from the cheese - but, then, John and I are used to VERY strong tasting cheese so I suppose anything else would be bland in comparison!) but again I thought the servings were skimpy, if very well presented.
However, the main disaster of the meal happened to Gillian when the waiter accidentally spilled a glass of red wine over her and her dress! Obviously, it was an accident and the waiter couldn't have been more apologetic but the clean-up was really very badly done with none of the staff seeming to know what to do! Matters were made worse when the manager then asked Gillian if there was a problem when she complained to him when, if he opened his eyes, he could clearly see there was a problem and then some!
Afterwards I discovered that Gillian wasn't the only victim at the Gala meal as Jennifer had a load of cuttlery tipped over her as well! So, in retrospect, it seems the manager may have employed his staff from Zippo's Circus that night!
So, anyway, on with the story...
After the meal we moved into the bar for the night's entertainment. This time we had a singer, Leann, who was an excellent entertainer and I enjoyed her between song 'patter' just as much as her singing! Then there was a brief disco before Debbi came over and asked me to be DJ - another dream come true! Except I managed to clear the bar in just one song! And it wasn't anything terribly exotic either (I was discouraged from that!), just Duran Duran's Rio! But I didn't let the fact that no one was dancing - or even in the bar sometimes! - put me off and continued on regardless with some Police, The Who, Elvis and various others and I was waiting for Gwen and Jayne to come back so I could slip in some Metallica whilst no one was paying any attention but, when Jayne did come back, it was to tell me they were going to bed! It was then that I looked at the time and saw that it was 1am! How time flies when you're having fun!! Lol!
So I went off to my bed shortly after - after I'd loaded another bunch of songs into the machine to give Debbi plenty of time to come and take over - and apparently they continued on until 3am! I've no idea whether Debbi managed to get anyone back on the dancefloor or not though! I fear I may very well have been the kiss of death!
I managed to sleep in until 7am on Sunday so I guess there's some advantage to staying up so late! Lol! And after having my shower and doing my makeup I joined the others for breakfast.
I think the girl who was doing the breakfast that morning must've been new - or perhaps just very forgetful - cos she kept on getting the orders wrong and coming back with plates of food that no one had ordered! It was quite farcical really! Anyway, after breakfast, I went back to my room and finished packing before coming down to pay my bar bill which, the amount of which, shall remain censored for reasons of modesty. ...Oh, the shame! Lol!
Then I borrowed a pen from the reception and filled in my feedback form...
Afterwards, I took the stuff out to the car and Gillian and Jayne dashed down to say goodbye - the mad fools! I'm seeing them again only next weekend!
So, after saying my goodbyes, it was back to the car and the satnav. This time I wanted to go via a petrol station so I managed to key that in to the route but I didn't just presume that it was gonna take me the way I wanted to go and zoomed out so I could see the route in full... and, sure enough, it was taking me through the Mersey tunnel(s) again! But I had no idea how to change it so just thought "sod it" and set off. I didn't quite have as many problems with it as I did on the way down but, even so, I still managed a few wrong turns and found non-existent roundabouts and if I ever find out why it kept on bonging at me all the better! (To quote my mum: "Stupid machine!")
So a few hours later I arrived home into the loving arms of my husband. :-)
It was a truly unforgettable weekend... not always for the right reasons... but I still had a lot of fun and I look forward to doing it all again next year... well, almost all of it! It would be preferable without the calamities next time! :-)
On Friday, after waiting for John to get back from the doctors, I set off for Llandudno for Unique's Winter Weekend. Trying out the satnav for the first time, I plugged in the destination and set off presuming it would take me the most logical way - down the M6 and across. However, as things transpired it didn't happen that way! The first problem is that our close is obviously in a blackspot and so the satnav told me to turn left when I was expecting to turn right. Being a trusting person, I presumed that this was correct and filled with curiosity and promise of a short cut to the motorway I hadn't discovered in the three years I've lived there, I followed it's instructions... and I ended up going through Liverpool and the Mersey Tunnel(s) to Birkinhead and then down from there along the coastline to Llandudno! Not exactly the route I had expected! To make matters worse, the satnav's maps are obviously not up to date and so it was telling me about roundabouts that weren't there and vise versa and doesn't seem to like suggesting doing u-turns and so I ended up taking quite a few unexpected detours! But I got there in the end!
As coincidence would have it, Jayne was in the lobby as I arrived and very kindly helped me with the bags from the car and I booked in and then we both carried my stuff up to my room. Then Jayne departed and left me to unpack.
It was rather a pokey little room more of the quality I would expect at a B&B rather than a hotel and the ensuite showerroom was even smaller! But a rather cute teddy bear was there waiting for me on the bed which instantly brightened my mood! Sadly, he was £26 to adopt and so I couldn't afford to take him home with me but I shall remember our time together fondly. :-) I also should mention that, as it transpired, my bed was surprisingly comfy and I slept well in it (with the exception of my body clock still set to work hours - i.e. waking up at 5.30 am each morning!) - but my tv was not so accommodating and had to be fixed before I could watch anything on it (which I didn't in the end, it was such a fully packed weekend!).
So, after unpacking, I went and joined Jayne in the "Garden room" which is where I met Jasmine for the first time. In times gone past polite people may've described Jasmine as "a character"... but the rude ones would probably have settled for "a loony"! You see, it's Jasmine's penchant to dress in fancy dress all the time and so, when I first met her, she was dressed as a flower - a "daft-odil" as she said herself - with bright green bodysuit, yellow trainers and a daffodil headdress! So, as you might imagine, Jasmine is not exactly shy and retiring and is full of good humour. So we sat in the "Garden room" for a while with a few of the others and had a chat. Sadly though, the conversation got a bit 'blokey' and I rapidly lost interest and the final nail in the coffin was when they moved on to the subject of race. So I made my excuses and retired to my room to prepare myself for the evening buffet.
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| Jasmine and I at the buffet. © Jayne Morose 2010 |
The buffet itself was very tasty but the selection was rather limited I thought and slightly bizarre to do one side salad and on the other side baked spuds with baked beans and cheese as they don't really go together do they! For desert they offered cheesecake and gateaux but, again, it was rather thin on the ground and so I felt obliged to only have a thin slice of each and there definitely wasn't any left when I was thinking about having seconds!
After the buffet we moved into the bar for the disco. This was when I first found out the bar prices in the hotel - and they weren't cheap! (But probably standard for a hotel, as I believe hotel bars are notoriously expensive). Anyway, the disco was quite entertaining - for the wrong reasons! I enjoyed the music but, clearly, it wasn't to everyone's tastes and it seemed that whenever people took to the floor Debbi would put a different style of music on and it would instantly clear again! Lol! Then, at about 11.30pm, I was tired and headed off to bed.
As previously mentioned, my bodyclock was still set to working hours, and so I awoke at 5.30am. Not wanting to sit in bed reading my magazine and thereby getting a stiff neck, I had a shower and went out for a walk at about 6.30am with my camera with the intention of taking photos of the christmas lights.
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| One of the photos I took of Llandudno in the dark |
At 8.30am I joined the others for breakfast and had some Weetabix and porridge. Jasmine joined us but this time was dressed boringly (for her!) in a pink bodysuit which she could zip all the way up - and I do mean all the way up!
After breakfast, I retired to my room for a bit before joining Gwen and Jayne for a bit of shopping. We had a good wander around all the shops and I found a cute little pink dragon which I got as a souvenir for John. I also found 3 sets of earrings and was treated to two mince pies and pot of tea by Gwen. The mince pies had meringue on top, instead of pastry, and were absolutely yummy! :-)
At lunch time I had a very brief natter with John on the mobile and was relieved to hear that he was doing OK. I do tend to worry about him these days with him being in such bad health - which probably gets on his nerves, me fussing over him! But I love the swine so what can I do?!!
After our wander around town we headed back to the hotel and Gwen retired to her room to recuperate whilst Jayne went into the bar and ordered their lunch where I joined her after depositing my stuff in my room. I joined in with them on the sandwiches and had prawn cocktail ones which, perversely enough, was quite a generous helping! (Why are they generous with the sarnies and skimpy on the main meals?? Something needs to be addressed here methinks!)
Then, whilst we were sat in the bar, Debbi put a film on - Different For Girls - which wasn't exactly a 'feel good' movie and it's just as well I'm not on the hormones yet cos I was teary enough as it was after watching that! I don't regret watching the movie though cos I found it therapeutic and it helped me to begin to address some stuff I've been avoiding.
After the movie I retired to my room for a bit before I found Penny for my makeover in preparation for the Gala meal.
Before the weekend I'd contacted Penny about my makeover and sent her a piccie of the dress I was gonna wear with the instruction that I wanted to look glam and make people's jaws drop (in a good way!). Penny was kind enough to suggest accessories for the dress and, when I went for my makeover, she set to work doing my make-up and hair. And she achieved my ambitions and then some! I looked - and felt - absolutely stunning! I really can't thank her enough for making that possible for me! Forget Jimmy Saville - book Penny to make your dreams come true! :-)
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| Ready for the Gala meal © Claire Rice 2010 |
For the meal they'd organised us into tables with a member of the Unique committee on each table. The table was very well decorated but, because of the candelabra in the middle, I couldn't actually see Debbi on the other side!
For the meal we'd been asked to order well in advance and so it was very handy that each table had a print out of what we'd ordered on it to remind us! I started with melon, followed with sorbet, turkey for my mains and finished it off with a welsh cheeseboard. Everything was very tasty (apart from the cheese - but, then, John and I are used to VERY strong tasting cheese so I suppose anything else would be bland in comparison!) but again I thought the servings were skimpy, if very well presented.
However, the main disaster of the meal happened to Gillian when the waiter accidentally spilled a glass of red wine over her and her dress! Obviously, it was an accident and the waiter couldn't have been more apologetic but the clean-up was really very badly done with none of the staff seeming to know what to do! Matters were made worse when the manager then asked Gillian if there was a problem when she complained to him when, if he opened his eyes, he could clearly see there was a problem and then some!
Afterwards I discovered that Gillian wasn't the only victim at the Gala meal as Jennifer had a load of cuttlery tipped over her as well! So, in retrospect, it seems the manager may have employed his staff from Zippo's Circus that night!
So, anyway, on with the story...
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| Playing at being a DJ. © Jayne Morose 2010 |
So I went off to my bed shortly after - after I'd loaded another bunch of songs into the machine to give Debbi plenty of time to come and take over - and apparently they continued on until 3am! I've no idea whether Debbi managed to get anyone back on the dancefloor or not though! I fear I may very well have been the kiss of death!
I managed to sleep in until 7am on Sunday so I guess there's some advantage to staying up so late! Lol! And after having my shower and doing my makeup I joined the others for breakfast.
I think the girl who was doing the breakfast that morning must've been new - or perhaps just very forgetful - cos she kept on getting the orders wrong and coming back with plates of food that no one had ordered! It was quite farcical really! Anyway, after breakfast, I went back to my room and finished packing before coming down to pay my bar bill which, the amount of which, shall remain censored for reasons of modesty. ...Oh, the shame! Lol!
Then I borrowed a pen from the reception and filled in my feedback form...
Afterwards, I took the stuff out to the car and Gillian and Jayne dashed down to say goodbye - the mad fools! I'm seeing them again only next weekend!
So, after saying my goodbyes, it was back to the car and the satnav. This time I wanted to go via a petrol station so I managed to key that in to the route but I didn't just presume that it was gonna take me the way I wanted to go and zoomed out so I could see the route in full... and, sure enough, it was taking me through the Mersey tunnel(s) again! But I had no idea how to change it so just thought "sod it" and set off. I didn't quite have as many problems with it as I did on the way down but, even so, I still managed a few wrong turns and found non-existent roundabouts and if I ever find out why it kept on bonging at me all the better! (To quote my mum: "Stupid machine!")
So a few hours later I arrived home into the loving arms of my husband. :-)
It was a truly unforgettable weekend... not always for the right reasons... but I still had a lot of fun and I look forward to doing it all again next year... well, almost all of it! It would be preferable without the calamities next time! :-)
Sunday, 14 November 2010
I Don't Like Mondays... Or Wednesdays... But Fridays And Saturdays Are Quite Fun!
My week didn't start very well on Monday. I arrived at work only to discover I'd forgot my pass so couldn't drive into the car park (where I have a reserved space no less!) and park. So I went to one of the other ones and phoned into the office. My boss answered and told me by stroke of good fortune that my brand new shiney pass was ready and all I had to do was go up to security and pick it up and problem solved! So I went and collected it, hopped back in the car and drove around to the main gate again... only to discover that my pass wasn't activated yet!!
So I went and parked up and walked in where I bumped into one of the security men who'd seen my car on the CCTV and gone to investigate. So he promised to let me in if I drove back up to the gate again - which he did.
But my pass still wasn't activated and so I had to borrow Chris's pass when I went to breakfast for my teacake from our lovely new canteen (which is self-service for breakfast). My teacake then proceeded to get stuck in the toaster and smoke was pouring out and everything and every time I tried to prod it out it just crumbled! So I had one rather burnt teacake for my breakfast!!
Then just as I thought I'd had my fair share of bad luck for the day I was forced to remember that bad luck always comes in threes when one of the big wigs came in and informed me that I'd let the MEN go with the wrong "slug" on it so it said the "Main" edition instead of the "Home"! So that was several thousand copies down the pan!
And I'd only been at work three hours!! What a day!
Thankfully Tuesday went uneventfully - or "boring", depending on your perspective - and so did Wednesday... until I got home and realised I'd left my phone and wallet at work! And of course I couldn't ring the office or any of my work colleagues cos the numbers were in my phone! So I tried ringing the switchboard but just got a recorded message to ring after 9am which was a fat lot of good! So I tried ringing my mobile in hope that someone would answer it so I could tell them to put it somewhere safe until the morning but no one answered it so that was useless too! So I then tried contacting the wife of one of my colleagues via Facebook in hope she'd read it and get him to give me the office's number or phone in himself but she obviously didn't go online that night so that failed too!
So I had no other option but to chance my fate and hope it'd still be there in the morning. And thankfully it was! Phew!
The rest of Thursday was rather uneventful - or "boring" etc... but on Friday John and I went shopping (once John had finally got his act together - he's really not well, the poor man!) at The Trafford Centre.
We were looking for a Christmas cake with royal icing and plenty of alcohol in it - not as easy as you might think! I'd already looked in Morrison's and Tesco's and turned out empty handed so I'm now resulting to looking in places like Marks & Sparks (no good), John Lewis (one very expensive cake) and Selfridges (also just the one very expensive cake). So next stop will be Sainsbury's and if we don't find one there I think we're just gonna have to go without cos I'm out of ideas! It's only fattening anyway and I don't need fattening up any further that's for sure!
One thing I did manage to find at M&S though was a nice cardi which will keep me nice and snug this winter! :-)
We also had a look for Christmas cakes in BHS but that was hopeless too and John didn't have any luck finding himself a dressing gown there either but I did manage to find two long sleeve tops and a new pair of slippers which John very kindly treated me to! :-)
So that was Friday.
On Saturday I went to TREC (picking Jayne, Gwen and Gillian up along the way) where I started off joining in the self-defence lesson given by Gavin. It was very useful and certainly an interesting experience being strangled and so on. :-) Then, after that, we went to the Samsi for lunch where I treated myself to a luxury o bento of karage chicken, teryaki salmon and mixed tempura. It was lovely and I shall definitely remember to have it again! I also got a bit better at using chop sticks which was an added bonus! :-)
Then, after lunch, Jayne and I had hoped to join Penny for her beauty workshop but she'd cut it short to join in with the party (it was TREC's 1st birthday) so we had a look in at the party as well but it wasn't to our taste so we went shopping.
First port of call was a shop I'd seen in the paper which I'd liked the concept of - it takes second hand clothing and redesigns them before flogging them back to the general public - but sadly it lived up to it's name, The Junk Shop, a little more than I'd hoped for!
So then we went around to Afflecks Palace for a browse where I bought myself a bracelet and then we wandered into the Arndale Centre but we didn't do much more than drop our jaws at the ridiculous prices of things!
So then it was time for tea and so we joined the others at The Shang Hi as usual but, when we got there, there was no room to be seen at the table so we went and found a table by ourselves which seemed to cause some offense or difficulty or something! And we were told to join the others where they'd all been forced to squeeze up into space where there wasn't really any. Anyway, as it happened, I wasn't feeling very hungry anyway (probably due to the luxury o bento I'd had at lunch time) and ended up just having the duck pancakes, some starters and then a couple of scoops of ice cream for pudding - a rather expensive do for £10.50! Not that I was really complaining - it's all horses for courses as far as I'm concerned.
Then as Penny had wanted to let her hair down (like we needed any excuse!) we went into Canal Street for a few drinks and it'd got to 10pm before they started to turn the music up and I decided enough was enough and called it a night.
So it was back in the car and back home, via Southport and Tarleton to drop off the others, and I got home by about midnight I think and was in bed by 1am.
So, all in all, one of my more eventful weeks. Thank goodness I have tomorrow off to recover! :-)
P.S. Having Remembrance Day and Remembrance Sunday this week my playlist is The Best Of Silence. Click here to listen: http://www.we7.com/#/user/view-playlist!playlistId=1459942&m=fb
So I went and parked up and walked in where I bumped into one of the security men who'd seen my car on the CCTV and gone to investigate. So he promised to let me in if I drove back up to the gate again - which he did.
But my pass still wasn't activated and so I had to borrow Chris's pass when I went to breakfast for my teacake from our lovely new canteen (which is self-service for breakfast). My teacake then proceeded to get stuck in the toaster and smoke was pouring out and everything and every time I tried to prod it out it just crumbled! So I had one rather burnt teacake for my breakfast!!
Then just as I thought I'd had my fair share of bad luck for the day I was forced to remember that bad luck always comes in threes when one of the big wigs came in and informed me that I'd let the MEN go with the wrong "slug" on it so it said the "Main" edition instead of the "Home"! So that was several thousand copies down the pan!
And I'd only been at work three hours!! What a day!
Thankfully Tuesday went uneventfully - or "boring", depending on your perspective - and so did Wednesday... until I got home and realised I'd left my phone and wallet at work! And of course I couldn't ring the office or any of my work colleagues cos the numbers were in my phone! So I tried ringing the switchboard but just got a recorded message to ring after 9am which was a fat lot of good! So I tried ringing my mobile in hope that someone would answer it so I could tell them to put it somewhere safe until the morning but no one answered it so that was useless too! So I then tried contacting the wife of one of my colleagues via Facebook in hope she'd read it and get him to give me the office's number or phone in himself but she obviously didn't go online that night so that failed too!
So I had no other option but to chance my fate and hope it'd still be there in the morning. And thankfully it was! Phew!
The rest of Thursday was rather uneventful - or "boring" etc... but on Friday John and I went shopping (once John had finally got his act together - he's really not well, the poor man!) at The Trafford Centre.
We were looking for a Christmas cake with royal icing and plenty of alcohol in it - not as easy as you might think! I'd already looked in Morrison's and Tesco's and turned out empty handed so I'm now resulting to looking in places like Marks & Sparks (no good), John Lewis (one very expensive cake) and Selfridges (also just the one very expensive cake). So next stop will be Sainsbury's and if we don't find one there I think we're just gonna have to go without cos I'm out of ideas! It's only fattening anyway and I don't need fattening up any further that's for sure!
One thing I did manage to find at M&S though was a nice cardi which will keep me nice and snug this winter! :-)
We also had a look for Christmas cakes in BHS but that was hopeless too and John didn't have any luck finding himself a dressing gown there either but I did manage to find two long sleeve tops and a new pair of slippers which John very kindly treated me to! :-)
So that was Friday.
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| The lovely Judith and I. © Jayne |
Then, after lunch, Jayne and I had hoped to join Penny for her beauty workshop but she'd cut it short to join in with the party (it was TREC's 1st birthday) so we had a look in at the party as well but it wasn't to our taste so we went shopping.
First port of call was a shop I'd seen in the paper which I'd liked the concept of - it takes second hand clothing and redesigns them before flogging them back to the general public - but sadly it lived up to it's name, The Junk Shop, a little more than I'd hoped for!
So then we went around to Afflecks Palace for a browse where I bought myself a bracelet and then we wandered into the Arndale Centre but we didn't do much more than drop our jaws at the ridiculous prices of things!
So then it was time for tea and so we joined the others at The Shang Hi as usual but, when we got there, there was no room to be seen at the table so we went and found a table by ourselves which seemed to cause some offense or difficulty or something! And we were told to join the others where they'd all been forced to squeeze up into space where there wasn't really any. Anyway, as it happened, I wasn't feeling very hungry anyway (probably due to the luxury o bento I'd had at lunch time) and ended up just having the duck pancakes, some starters and then a couple of scoops of ice cream for pudding - a rather expensive do for £10.50! Not that I was really complaining - it's all horses for courses as far as I'm concerned.
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| A picture of the gang at Via, Canal St, Mancs. © Jayne |
So it was back in the car and back home, via Southport and Tarleton to drop off the others, and I got home by about midnight I think and was in bed by 1am.
So, all in all, one of my more eventful weeks. Thank goodness I have tomorrow off to recover! :-)
P.S. Having Remembrance Day and Remembrance Sunday this week my playlist is The Best Of Silence. Click here to listen: http://www.we7.com/#/user/view-playlist!playlistId=1459942&m=fb
Sunday, 7 November 2010
The Weather With U2
So this week has been not really been any more interesting than any other - apart from the weather! Boy, has it been one crazy week where the weather's concerned! The police were even forced to close our road off on Tuesday evening it was that bad! Which meant I had to do a lengthy detour around to the other end of it to get home just as they were shutting that end as well!! Thankfully, they'd opened it again by the morning otherwise my trip to work could've been really interesting!
On Tuesday I also had to go and have my photo taken for my pass. I originally had my photo taken for my pass when we were still at Stockport but they obviously lost it in the move (!) and thus I've been managing on a day pass since the move. So I had to get it re-done on Tuesday and, in keeping with work's reputation on organisation, when I got to the photographer's office he knew nothing about it! He still took it though and so I guess we just have to wait and see now whether there's a sudden improvement in things and I actually get a proper pass with my photo on it!
On Wednesday we were given a tour of our printing plant at work. Which was interesting to see how the end product is made from the rubbish we send them! And it killed an hour or two at work anyway!
I have also done this week's Best Of - The Best Of U2 (Remixed) - which is, as the title might suggest, the best of all the various remixes U2 have put out over the last 20 years or so. Click here to listen: http://www.we7.com/#/user/view-playlist!playlistId=1449760&m=fb
Then on Friday I visited my laserist for my regular face burning session. This was after it being cancelled last week because of my cold and her breaking her wrist! The pain still brings me to tears when she's doing my moustache area but at least it's over fairly quick these days!
Then on the way back I spotted a steam train just about to set off (see picture). So I dashed to John's car for his camera phone and then ran back up the steps to take the picture just before it set off! I was fairly knackered after that I can tell you!!
Then the other thing I've been doing this week is trying to organise something for my birthday - my first as Claire! :-)
Obviously, it being the weekend before Christmas, both restaurants and people are busy so it needs planning well in advance (Why couldn't my mum have had me at a more sensible time of year!). My original intention was to have a meal at either Sam's Chophouse or The Olive Press but today I have discovered that they both require a hefty deposit per person and I really can't be bothered with all that palava! So I've now scaled things down to having a few drinks on the evening of the 18th (when I shall be in Manchester anyway for Transforum). In future I think I shall celebrate my birthday in August (round abouts the anniversary of the date I transitioned) - nothing to do with celebrating my transition; just cos it's a hell of a lot easier than trying to celebrate my birthday at Christmas time!!
And I think that's about it for this week.
On Tuesday I also had to go and have my photo taken for my pass. I originally had my photo taken for my pass when we were still at Stockport but they obviously lost it in the move (!) and thus I've been managing on a day pass since the move. So I had to get it re-done on Tuesday and, in keeping with work's reputation on organisation, when I got to the photographer's office he knew nothing about it! He still took it though and so I guess we just have to wait and see now whether there's a sudden improvement in things and I actually get a proper pass with my photo on it!
On Wednesday we were given a tour of our printing plant at work. Which was interesting to see how the end product is made from the rubbish we send them! And it killed an hour or two at work anyway!
I have also done this week's Best Of - The Best Of U2 (Remixed) - which is, as the title might suggest, the best of all the various remixes U2 have put out over the last 20 years or so. Click here to listen: http://www.we7.com/#/user/view-playlist!playlistId=1449760&m=fb
Then on the way back I spotted a steam train just about to set off (see picture). So I dashed to John's car for his camera phone and then ran back up the steps to take the picture just before it set off! I was fairly knackered after that I can tell you!!
Then the other thing I've been doing this week is trying to organise something for my birthday - my first as Claire! :-)
Obviously, it being the weekend before Christmas, both restaurants and people are busy so it needs planning well in advance (Why couldn't my mum have had me at a more sensible time of year!). My original intention was to have a meal at either Sam's Chophouse or The Olive Press but today I have discovered that they both require a hefty deposit per person and I really can't be bothered with all that palava! So I've now scaled things down to having a few drinks on the evening of the 18th (when I shall be in Manchester anyway for Transforum). In future I think I shall celebrate my birthday in August (round abouts the anniversary of the date I transitioned) - nothing to do with celebrating my transition; just cos it's a hell of a lot easier than trying to celebrate my birthday at Christmas time!!
And I think that's about it for this week.
Sunday, 31 October 2010
Pussycat Flu!
I suppose the "big news" this week is that I had half the week off work with the flu... and I'll kill that Tony King next time I see him! What kind of twat comes into work with the flu fully admitting they 'should be in bed'?!! I still haven't completely got rid of the bloody thing now a week later!
I could've passed it onto John (thankfully, it looks like I haven't... yet!) and he really doesn't want the bleedin' flu on top of his other problems!
I also had to cancel my "face burning" session because my laserist was afraid of passing on my germs to her sickly dad. Right blinkin' pain this has turned out to be!!
So, having a few days with more time on my hands than I knew what to do with, I decided to start work on my autobiography. So far I've covered birth to starting senior school.
The main problem I've had, other than trying to remember my life, is worrying about stepping on other people's toes. Obviously I've not lived my life in solitary confinement so my life story does feature other people and who knows whether they'll like me 'telling all'??
The other thing I've done is cobble together my latest Best Of selection. This week it's The Best Of... Robbie Williams. Yes, I've finally done it and come out as a Robbie fan! Who knows what damage this could do to my street cred!! Lol! Click here to listen: http://www.we7.com/user/view-playlist?playlistId=1439977&m=0
I didn't get all excited about his reunion with Take That though. I've never liked them and really can't see what the fuss is about - certainly not to the extent of crashing the website in search of a concert ticket!
Thankfully, I felt well enough to go out last night and join the girls at the local carvery for supper. Sadly, John didn't feel 'with it' enough to join me this time. :-( But on a more positive, and fun, note it being Halloween I decided to dress up (see pic) and I think I looked fab even if I do say so myself! :-)
We also entered the quiz again... and won again... and this time we didn't even cheat! :-)
Then Gillian got roped into playing pool with some fella. With him being three sheets to the wind, I decided to go and keep tabs on them just in case. You never know what people will get up to when their inhibitions are lowered!
Then today John and I did the grocery shopping and so John tried out his mobility scooter again. He's decided that he's gonna try and build ramps for getting it in and out of the boot cos it's too heavy to manage by himself in his current condition. And he's also applying for a Blue Badge. I've never seen him so excited! You'd think he'd had a lottery win! Lol!
And that's it. Back to work tomorrow... yay!
I could've passed it onto John (thankfully, it looks like I haven't... yet!) and he really doesn't want the bleedin' flu on top of his other problems!
I also had to cancel my "face burning" session because my laserist was afraid of passing on my germs to her sickly dad. Right blinkin' pain this has turned out to be!!
So, having a few days with more time on my hands than I knew what to do with, I decided to start work on my autobiography. So far I've covered birth to starting senior school.
The main problem I've had, other than trying to remember my life, is worrying about stepping on other people's toes. Obviously I've not lived my life in solitary confinement so my life story does feature other people and who knows whether they'll like me 'telling all'??
The other thing I've done is cobble together my latest Best Of selection. This week it's The Best Of... Robbie Williams. Yes, I've finally done it and come out as a Robbie fan! Who knows what damage this could do to my street cred!! Lol! Click here to listen: http://www.we7.com/user/view-playlist?playlistId=1439977&m=0
I didn't get all excited about his reunion with Take That though. I've never liked them and really can't see what the fuss is about - certainly not to the extent of crashing the website in search of a concert ticket!
We also entered the quiz again... and won again... and this time we didn't even cheat! :-)
Then Gillian got roped into playing pool with some fella. With him being three sheets to the wind, I decided to go and keep tabs on them just in case. You never know what people will get up to when their inhibitions are lowered!
Then today John and I did the grocery shopping and so John tried out his mobility scooter again. He's decided that he's gonna try and build ramps for getting it in and out of the boot cos it's too heavy to manage by himself in his current condition. And he's also applying for a Blue Badge. I've never seen him so excited! You'd think he'd had a lottery win! Lol!
And that's it. Back to work tomorrow... yay!
Sunday, 24 October 2010
Hi Ho! Hi Ho!
Twas off to work I went this week.
My week of doing nowt came to an end and it was back to doing nowt for money! I even have to do my full hours now so I spend even more time finding things to do to occupy my time! I can't play cards now neither - you never know which big wig's gonna walk by! - so I truly am lost for things to do! Oh well, shouldn't really sniff at £16k for doing so little I suppose!
The only interesting thing that happened at work last week was when I ventured across to Morrison's (which is just next door to work) to have a look-see. Twas just the same as any other Morrison's (what was I expecting?!!) but I had fun on the way back when my card wouldn't let me back through the turnstile into work! So I had to get flapper Mike to come 'rescue' me! And that truly was the most interesting thing that happened at work last week!
However, yesterday was more fun when Jayne took Gillian and I to Transforum. We started off though at Samsi (the Japanese restaurant we went to a fortnight ago - see photo) for lunch where Jennifer joined us. We then had a wander across to Maplin for whatever it was that Jennifer wanted and then popped next door to Nero's (I think!) for a coffee. I had a Chai Latte which was sweet tea with cinnamon and mixed spice and lots of frothy milk. It was nice but I'd only want it in moderation - not the great big mug full I had yesterday! T'always the same with these fashionable coffee shops - even the smallest cup's a great big mug full!!
After we'd sufficiently recomposed ourselves we then went to Transforum where the planned program was a discussion on "passing" (the art of looking female convincingly) and then one on hate crime. However, we got so in depth in the discussion on "passing" that the discussion on hate crime got bumped!
It was also great to see Jenny-Anne there - even so soon after her reassignment surgery! And she was so happy and content too! It was fabulous to see her so! :-)
After Transforum we went for the usual meal to Shang Hi and then finished off in Via for a drink. (See pic) Sadly, that's where I started to wilt. I'd made a mistake in the first place ordering half a cider - which I really wasn't enjoying (and only drank about half of because of it) - but then the music really got to me. I just find that when music's that loud that it makes it a very isolating experience for me because I can't hear anyone else speak... and can't even hear myself think!... and I really don't enjoy it. It's fine if it's a club and you're there to dance but, when you're there to socialise, it is truly the last thing I want!
So we called it a night round about midnight I think it was and then Jayne graciously gave me a lift home and I was in bed for about 1am I think.
And now I'm VERY tired!
Which is a real pain because we're meant to be getting the groceries for the week sometime today and I just want to go back to sleep!
Ah well, such is life!
P.S. This week's playlist is The Best Of The Banned. And it's link is: http://www.we7.com/user/view-playlist?playlistId=1431106&m=0
My week of doing nowt came to an end and it was back to doing nowt for money! I even have to do my full hours now so I spend even more time finding things to do to occupy my time! I can't play cards now neither - you never know which big wig's gonna walk by! - so I truly am lost for things to do! Oh well, shouldn't really sniff at £16k for doing so little I suppose!
The only interesting thing that happened at work last week was when I ventured across to Morrison's (which is just next door to work) to have a look-see. Twas just the same as any other Morrison's (what was I expecting?!!) but I had fun on the way back when my card wouldn't let me back through the turnstile into work! So I had to get flapper Mike to come 'rescue' me! And that truly was the most interesting thing that happened at work last week!
After we'd sufficiently recomposed ourselves we then went to Transforum where the planned program was a discussion on "passing" (the art of looking female convincingly) and then one on hate crime. However, we got so in depth in the discussion on "passing" that the discussion on hate crime got bumped!
It was also great to see Jenny-Anne there - even so soon after her reassignment surgery! And she was so happy and content too! It was fabulous to see her so! :-)
So we called it a night round about midnight I think it was and then Jayne graciously gave me a lift home and I was in bed for about 1am I think.
And now I'm VERY tired!
Which is a real pain because we're meant to be getting the groceries for the week sometime today and I just want to go back to sleep!
Ah well, such is life!
P.S. This week's playlist is The Best Of The Banned. And it's link is: http://www.we7.com/user/view-playlist?playlistId=1431106&m=0
Sunday, 17 October 2010
R n R (But No Sex Or Drugs)
So this week has been a nice rest for me, having the week off work. This morning, for example, I didn't get up until gone 9am! A rarity for me! So, anyway, having caught up on some much needed rest and recreation, I'm back to work again tomorrow! I'm gonna have to look at taking longer holidays next year!
The reason why I'd kept them to only a week's length in the first place was because going back to work was so difficult because it used to mean I had to go back as "Tim" but, now I live full-time as Claire, that problem doesn't exist any more!
So what've I done on my week-off? ...Next to nothing! All that lovely sunshine we've had and I've seen scarcely half an hour of it! Lol!
I have however worked on my 'zines and got them finished (see photo).
And I've also delved back into Logic again (after many months abstinence) and have already bashed out two songs - my versions of Gilbert O'Sullivan's Claire and Burt Bacharach's Arthur's Theme. The working title for the album they may appear on is Uneasy Listening.
I also worked on this week's playlist - The Best Of Bob - which can be listened to via this link: http://www.we7.com/#/user/view-playlist!playlistId=1421810&m=fb
I also looked into how I'm going to make myself employable and found a few job fairs of interest ...which all clash with work commitments! So I've not really made as much progress as I would've liked with that.
I was hoping for a career change - as newspapers is a fast dying trade - but I think I may have to moderate my ambitions somewhat and look for something involving proof reading outside of newspapers. Which still means I'm likely to be in the printing trade which isn't much more reliable than newspapers! That is if I can find an employer open minded enough to take on a trans female!
In that regard, this week I also wrote off to my GP asking for speech therapy and deportment lessons. Yup, I know what I said in August! But it really has begun to bug me and I would really like it sorted!
Last night John and I joined some of my friends and their partners for a meal at our local pub. (see photo) I didn't choose the pub by the way - it was coincidence that whoever chose it chose the one just around the corner from here. Anyway, the meal was very nice and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Especially the quiz which we joined in with after the meal! Which we also won! But we did cheat as Gillian and Jennifer were looking up the answers on their internet phones! The prize was a free round of drinks so we were well pleased with that! :-)
Sadly though, John was beginning to wilt and was due his meds so we had to call it a night shortly after.
On the subject of John - he's still not in good shape and he's beginning to relapse as well now that they're weening him off his steroids. He did tell the doctors that but he might as well have told them he was dead for all they cared! I find their attitude very upsetting to be honest. He's been buggered about left, right and centre and no one seems to give a damn!
He was meant to be an out patient but that's not materialised! He was meant to have oxygen to take home but that didn't materialise either! They don't seem to know what they're doing with the sample they took from him months ago! They don't seem to know when or if they're gonna do a biopsy! They just seem totally incompetent to me!!
For goodness sake, his blood pressure was 73 when he got home from the pub last night! How can that be good for any one! The NHS is a total farce!!
So I'm not happy!
And thus concludes today's sermon. Amen.
The reason why I'd kept them to only a week's length in the first place was because going back to work was so difficult because it used to mean I had to go back as "Tim" but, now I live full-time as Claire, that problem doesn't exist any more!
So what've I done on my week-off? ...Next to nothing! All that lovely sunshine we've had and I've seen scarcely half an hour of it! Lol!
I have however worked on my 'zines and got them finished (see photo).
I also worked on this week's playlist - The Best Of Bob - which can be listened to via this link: http://www.we7.com/#/user/view-playlist!playlistId=1421810&m=fb
I also looked into how I'm going to make myself employable and found a few job fairs of interest ...which all clash with work commitments! So I've not really made as much progress as I would've liked with that.
I was hoping for a career change - as newspapers is a fast dying trade - but I think I may have to moderate my ambitions somewhat and look for something involving proof reading outside of newspapers. Which still means I'm likely to be in the printing trade which isn't much more reliable than newspapers! That is if I can find an employer open minded enough to take on a trans female!
In that regard, this week I also wrote off to my GP asking for speech therapy and deportment lessons. Yup, I know what I said in August! But it really has begun to bug me and I would really like it sorted!
Sadly though, John was beginning to wilt and was due his meds so we had to call it a night shortly after.
On the subject of John - he's still not in good shape and he's beginning to relapse as well now that they're weening him off his steroids. He did tell the doctors that but he might as well have told them he was dead for all they cared! I find their attitude very upsetting to be honest. He's been buggered about left, right and centre and no one seems to give a damn!
He was meant to be an out patient but that's not materialised! He was meant to have oxygen to take home but that didn't materialise either! They don't seem to know what they're doing with the sample they took from him months ago! They don't seem to know when or if they're gonna do a biopsy! They just seem totally incompetent to me!!
For goodness sake, his blood pressure was 73 when he got home from the pub last night! How can that be good for any one! The NHS is a total farce!!
So I'm not happy!
And thus concludes today's sermon. Amen.
Monday, 11 October 2010
On The Up
So the last week or so has been largely positive.
First off I went to a support group in Waterloo (Merseyside) with my good friends Jay and Gillian. Which didn't turn out to be terribly useful to me as it was too Liverpool centric. But the people there were lovely and it was great to meet Vikki-Marie properly after only really knowing her through Facebook. And I also met the much talked about Renatta (Sp?) - a lovely vicar who doesn't force religion down your throat - who is quite shockingly trendy, calling everyone "babes" and stuff. She could be the thin version of the Vicar Of Dibley in many respects! Lol!
Then afterwards four of us went for a lovely meal at the chinese restaurant next door. (See pic left) Sadly, that is when I started to space out again and started causing people concern. I just have so much stuff on my mind that I can't help it! It's an unfortunate habit that I disconnect from what is going around me and drift off in my own thoughts. I don't mean to be anti-social.
One of the things that was featuring largely in my thoughts was the meeting I had on Wednesday with the 'loony inspector' - a Dr Ash, who's reputation is for being rather obstructive. Certainly, for someone who is the trans expert in Lancs, I found him surprisingly uncomfortable in the presence of a trans person (me). But I couldn't help feeling motherly towards him and wanted to comfort the poor chap who was obviously in some distress with his stammer getting really quite pronounced at times!
Anyway, if I were to interpret how his mind worked on Wednesday, I would say he took one look at me and thought "Yep, you're in" ("in" being a referral to a Gender Identity Clinic) and then set about confirming a few facts about me. Sadly, he wasn't going to nail his colours to the mast at that time but he gave me a strong indication that he was gonna refer me to Charing Cross which, if it comes to fruition, will mean trips down to London to get the specialist help I need.
Yes, London!
The state of care for trans people in this country is such that there are very few Gender Identity Clinics in the country; and Lancashire, and even Greater Manchester, do not have one at all! So Lancashire Primary Care Trust have an agreement with Charing Cross all the way down in London to send their trans people there!
There are GICs in Sheffield and Leeds but Lancs PCT would have to justify sending me there which could complicate things. Besides Leeds don't have a very good reputation and Sheffield see very few at all! There is also another one in Nottingham but Lancs PCT have no arrangement with them at all!
However, I have nothing in writing yet so will just have to wait and bide my time. However, given Dr Ash's reputation, I shall be reminding him at the end of the month if nothing's come through before then.
Anyway, the upshot of my meeting on Wednesday was that I left feeling a lot more positive about myself. I have a very good indication that I'm not a loony and that my feelings about myself are real. This has given me a lot of confidence - even without having it in writing!
Um... I suppose a recap of a few other things is due here of how my confidence has been building...
A bit more than a week ago I visited a hair salon for the very first time as Claire. Now some trans folk have told horror stories about visits to hairdressers and so I was quite a bit nervous but, as things turned out, I had nothing to worry about. I was met with nothing but friendliness.
I've also been visiting a nail salon in town to try and sort my nails out. Sadly, the acrylic overlays I had done (which were done to try and rectify a mess another salon had made of them) were not to my liking so I had them removed and now my nails are as weak as they've ever been and constantly break! So they're now as short as they've ever been since I was a serial nail biter! Anyway, all that is largely beside the point because the benefit I've got out from visiting the nail salon is yet more interaction with the real world where, if you believe some trans folk, I should've been eaten alive(!) but in fact I've been met with nothing but friendliness and treated just like any other customer. Which has done wonders for my confidence - I AM NORMAL! You don't get that from visiting specialist trans businesses. Specialists don't deal in normality. Their whole reason for existence is to cater to exclusivity.
Another reason for my self-confidence improving is from living full-time as Claire. Doing so has enabled me to realise even more about myself. Such as I'm still treating certain items of clothing as taboo and I'm still repressing myself. This is just silly!
So a change of mind has occurred where I'm thinking "The last thing I want to do is give any illusions that I'm male" so I've been wearing more classically female clothing rather than sticking with the tomboy image before I transitioned. I really don't want to be wearing a shirt and trousers any more! Unfortunately, I don't have a lot in the way of dresses and so, without a lot in the way of funds, I've been wearing stuff that may not be wholly appropriate (like the 'little black dress' I wore to TREC (Trans Resource and Empowerment Centre) yesterday) but it's a whole lot better than jeans and a shirt!
So my confidence has been improving quietly but surely since I transitioned in August.
I still shock myself when I think how far I've come. You can possibly imagine the trauma I've been through to get where I am today. The times I came home from work in tears because I was so distraught with my situation! Well, I can safely say that it's all been worth it because I'm the happiest I've ever been. It might have been more obvious to others but even I've noticed I'm laughing a whole lot more! And I can't remember the last time someone told me to cheer up and stop looking so miserable - something that was quite a regular occurrence before!
So, anyway, where were we?
Ah, yes! My week so far...
So after my meeting with the 'loony inspector' I was feeling a lot more positive about life.
Then yesterday I went to TREC where I briefly joined in with the Arts & Crafts Workshop and then went over to the Gaydio studios in the afternoon.
I was a bit disappointed with the Arts & Crafts Workshop as I'd been hoping to get a bit of instruction in something I hadn't perhaps done before. But the only instruction I got was to draw something I'd enjoyed doing at TREC (which was Penny's Beauty Workshop and Making Friends) - something which I could easily have done at home if I'd been so inclined! So I didn't stick with that very long and joined Jay and Jennifer for lunch at the Japanese restaurant we went to for Sparkle. The food was lovely again. I had a mixed tempura obento which is a selection of seafood and veg fried in tempura batter and served with noodles, rice and salad. Delish! (See pic below)
Then we returned to TREC for the visit to the Gaydio studios where we were shown how the mixing desk and software-loading-program-thingy work! Which just made me want to be a DJ even more than I did already! :-)
After that about seven of us went to the Shang Hi restaurant as usual where we had the usual delicious all-you-can-eat buffet and Jennifer and Gillian signed their deed polls which brought back memories of when I signed mine and I can only hope they were as happy as I was. They certainly looked it at any rate! :-)
And that about concludes my news for now.
I'm on holiday this next week so can relax and catch up on some much needed sleep! :-)
First off I went to a support group in Waterloo (Merseyside) with my good friends Jay and Gillian. Which didn't turn out to be terribly useful to me as it was too Liverpool centric. But the people there were lovely and it was great to meet Vikki-Marie properly after only really knowing her through Facebook. And I also met the much talked about Renatta (Sp?) - a lovely vicar who doesn't force religion down your throat - who is quite shockingly trendy, calling everyone "babes" and stuff. She could be the thin version of the Vicar Of Dibley in many respects! Lol!
One of the things that was featuring largely in my thoughts was the meeting I had on Wednesday with the 'loony inspector' - a Dr Ash, who's reputation is for being rather obstructive. Certainly, for someone who is the trans expert in Lancs, I found him surprisingly uncomfortable in the presence of a trans person (me). But I couldn't help feeling motherly towards him and wanted to comfort the poor chap who was obviously in some distress with his stammer getting really quite pronounced at times!
Anyway, if I were to interpret how his mind worked on Wednesday, I would say he took one look at me and thought "Yep, you're in" ("in" being a referral to a Gender Identity Clinic) and then set about confirming a few facts about me. Sadly, he wasn't going to nail his colours to the mast at that time but he gave me a strong indication that he was gonna refer me to Charing Cross which, if it comes to fruition, will mean trips down to London to get the specialist help I need.
Yes, London!
The state of care for trans people in this country is such that there are very few Gender Identity Clinics in the country; and Lancashire, and even Greater Manchester, do not have one at all! So Lancashire Primary Care Trust have an agreement with Charing Cross all the way down in London to send their trans people there!
There are GICs in Sheffield and Leeds but Lancs PCT would have to justify sending me there which could complicate things. Besides Leeds don't have a very good reputation and Sheffield see very few at all! There is also another one in Nottingham but Lancs PCT have no arrangement with them at all!
However, I have nothing in writing yet so will just have to wait and bide my time. However, given Dr Ash's reputation, I shall be reminding him at the end of the month if nothing's come through before then.
Anyway, the upshot of my meeting on Wednesday was that I left feeling a lot more positive about myself. I have a very good indication that I'm not a loony and that my feelings about myself are real. This has given me a lot of confidence - even without having it in writing!
Um... I suppose a recap of a few other things is due here of how my confidence has been building...
A bit more than a week ago I visited a hair salon for the very first time as Claire. Now some trans folk have told horror stories about visits to hairdressers and so I was quite a bit nervous but, as things turned out, I had nothing to worry about. I was met with nothing but friendliness.
I've also been visiting a nail salon in town to try and sort my nails out. Sadly, the acrylic overlays I had done (which were done to try and rectify a mess another salon had made of them) were not to my liking so I had them removed and now my nails are as weak as they've ever been and constantly break! So they're now as short as they've ever been since I was a serial nail biter! Anyway, all that is largely beside the point because the benefit I've got out from visiting the nail salon is yet more interaction with the real world where, if you believe some trans folk, I should've been eaten alive(!) but in fact I've been met with nothing but friendliness and treated just like any other customer. Which has done wonders for my confidence - I AM NORMAL! You don't get that from visiting specialist trans businesses. Specialists don't deal in normality. Their whole reason for existence is to cater to exclusivity.
Another reason for my self-confidence improving is from living full-time as Claire. Doing so has enabled me to realise even more about myself. Such as I'm still treating certain items of clothing as taboo and I'm still repressing myself. This is just silly!
So a change of mind has occurred where I'm thinking "The last thing I want to do is give any illusions that I'm male" so I've been wearing more classically female clothing rather than sticking with the tomboy image before I transitioned. I really don't want to be wearing a shirt and trousers any more! Unfortunately, I don't have a lot in the way of dresses and so, without a lot in the way of funds, I've been wearing stuff that may not be wholly appropriate (like the 'little black dress' I wore to TREC (Trans Resource and Empowerment Centre) yesterday) but it's a whole lot better than jeans and a shirt!
So my confidence has been improving quietly but surely since I transitioned in August.
I still shock myself when I think how far I've come. You can possibly imagine the trauma I've been through to get where I am today. The times I came home from work in tears because I was so distraught with my situation! Well, I can safely say that it's all been worth it because I'm the happiest I've ever been. It might have been more obvious to others but even I've noticed I'm laughing a whole lot more! And I can't remember the last time someone told me to cheer up and stop looking so miserable - something that was quite a regular occurrence before!
So, anyway, where were we?
Ah, yes! My week so far...
So after my meeting with the 'loony inspector' I was feeling a lot more positive about life.
Then yesterday I went to TREC where I briefly joined in with the Arts & Crafts Workshop and then went over to the Gaydio studios in the afternoon.
I was a bit disappointed with the Arts & Crafts Workshop as I'd been hoping to get a bit of instruction in something I hadn't perhaps done before. But the only instruction I got was to draw something I'd enjoyed doing at TREC (which was Penny's Beauty Workshop and Making Friends) - something which I could easily have done at home if I'd been so inclined! So I didn't stick with that very long and joined Jay and Jennifer for lunch at the Japanese restaurant we went to for Sparkle. The food was lovely again. I had a mixed tempura obento which is a selection of seafood and veg fried in tempura batter and served with noodles, rice and salad. Delish! (See pic below)
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Then we returned to TREC for the visit to the Gaydio studios where we were shown how the mixing desk and software-loading-program-thingy work! Which just made me want to be a DJ even more than I did already! :-)
After that about seven of us went to the Shang Hi restaurant as usual where we had the usual delicious all-you-can-eat buffet and Jennifer and Gillian signed their deed polls which brought back memories of when I signed mine and I can only hope they were as happy as I was. They certainly looked it at any rate! :-)
And that about concludes my news for now.
I'm on holiday this next week so can relax and catch up on some much needed sleep! :-)
Saturday, 2 October 2010
I Will Survive
Here is a YouTube video that struck a chord with me...
In my story it wasn't a bridge and it wasn't because I knew I was gay. It was the roof of a tower block and it was because I was being bullied at school for being different. I didn't jump because I just couldn't cause the pain I knew I would inevitably do so to my parents and my brother. My love for them saved my life.
And my love for my husband and my family still continue to save my life. Without them I would quite literally be dead! And good riddance to me! Because I just wouldn't want to be that person.
But I can't pretend that all is sweetness and light. My love for my husband and family is also what makes life difficult - unbearably so at times! If I didn't love them so very much I could march through life without a care. But I don't want to be an uncaring person. And I don't believe I can be an uncaring person!
So I'm faced with impossible choices where on one hand I can do what I believe will make my life better. But also, at the same time, I don't see how causing pain to the people I love (by making those decisions) is making my life better!
So faced with impossible choices I still keep open that other option I declined more than 2 decades ago - that of the final solution, suicide.
However, I don't believe I ever will take that route for the same reason as I declined it all those years ago - I can't cause that amount of pain to the people I love.
So I continue to struggle with these impossible choices and eventually something usually gives and I make another step forward in my journey through life.
...but I wish it was easier!
...but knowing the reasons why it is so hard, I can accept why it isn't.
...but I still wish it was easier!
In my story it wasn't a bridge and it wasn't because I knew I was gay. It was the roof of a tower block and it was because I was being bullied at school for being different. I didn't jump because I just couldn't cause the pain I knew I would inevitably do so to my parents and my brother. My love for them saved my life.
And my love for my husband and my family still continue to save my life. Without them I would quite literally be dead! And good riddance to me! Because I just wouldn't want to be that person.
But I can't pretend that all is sweetness and light. My love for my husband and family is also what makes life difficult - unbearably so at times! If I didn't love them so very much I could march through life without a care. But I don't want to be an uncaring person. And I don't believe I can be an uncaring person!
So I'm faced with impossible choices where on one hand I can do what I believe will make my life better. But also, at the same time, I don't see how causing pain to the people I love (by making those decisions) is making my life better!
So faced with impossible choices I still keep open that other option I declined more than 2 decades ago - that of the final solution, suicide.
However, I don't believe I ever will take that route for the same reason as I declined it all those years ago - I can't cause that amount of pain to the people I love.
So I continue to struggle with these impossible choices and eventually something usually gives and I make another step forward in my journey through life.
...but I wish it was easier!
...but knowing the reasons why it is so hard, I can accept why it isn't.
...but I still wish it was easier!
Saturday, 4 September 2010
Old Blogs
When I set up this blog the intention was to delete my previous blogs. However, I've decided not to trash all of them as they're part of my history and I don't want to trash my history just like that! This is flying in the face of my new theory to live in the present and let go off my past (more on that at a later stage) but I'm allowed to be contrary aren't I?
September's Crossword
I bring you a new crossword for September.If you're wondering where the others are, then I'm afraid you're too late - they're all on a blog I've now deleted! However, if you really want them then contact me and I'll email the PDF to you.
The crosswords are cryptic and fiendishly hard my friend tells me. I disagree - I think they're fairly easy - but then I'm the one that set them! Have a go and see what you think. Just click on the image to download this month's PDF.
Friday, 27 August 2010
A Small Rant...
Just had a small read of the Angels forums and some of the comments struck a nerve. The gist of these comments were 'They look great. No way should they be treated badly when they look so good!".
Well, excuse me, but, even if you looked like the back end of a donkey, no way should you be treated badly!
These people may not be aware of it but they are perpetuating the belief that you have to look a certain way to be considered OK.
The media takes this to an extreme of course - size zero models airbrushed within an inch of their lives! For example, I was reading through Company magazine today and it struck me how thin all the women were in it. I found it positively unsettling! But how many women read such magazines without realising the message they're being force fed?
And now we have transgendered people adding their bit to this brainwashing. People who really should know better imho! For, if they're anything like me, they know damned well that not looking a certain way is deeply upsetting! And, if they've lived a life anything like mine, they know at first hand that not looking a certain way gets you picked on and bullied. And yet there they were effectively siding with their bullies and abusers!
Imho trans people should be first in the queue for telling people that it's NOT acceptable to be bullied just because of the way you look! That it is OK to be different! That it is OK to present in your own inimitable style! Equal rights for all means EQUAL RIGHTS FOR ALL - not just the ones we think look nice!!
Well, excuse me, but, even if you looked like the back end of a donkey, no way should you be treated badly!
These people may not be aware of it but they are perpetuating the belief that you have to look a certain way to be considered OK.
The media takes this to an extreme of course - size zero models airbrushed within an inch of their lives! For example, I was reading through Company magazine today and it struck me how thin all the women were in it. I found it positively unsettling! But how many women read such magazines without realising the message they're being force fed?
And now we have transgendered people adding their bit to this brainwashing. People who really should know better imho! For, if they're anything like me, they know damned well that not looking a certain way is deeply upsetting! And, if they've lived a life anything like mine, they know at first hand that not looking a certain way gets you picked on and bullied. And yet there they were effectively siding with their bullies and abusers!
Imho trans people should be first in the queue for telling people that it's NOT acceptable to be bullied just because of the way you look! That it is OK to be different! That it is OK to present in your own inimitable style! Equal rights for all means EQUAL RIGHTS FOR ALL - not just the ones we think look nice!!
Sunday, 22 August 2010
It's Official!
I am now legally Claire Jenny Rice. I signed my deed poll yesterday (witnessed by my good friend Jay). "Tim" has been consigned to history.
So this was my first week at work and I feel it went very well. There's only one chap I've noticed not make any effort to call me Claire. Whether this is deliberate or he's just thick I don't know and I don't care - it amounts to the same thing. However, I shan't be getting argy with him as I feel that would be counterproductive (unless he did something more obviously transphobic) and am just hoping peer pressure will get to him and he'll follow suit like the rest of them.
So one tiny fly in the ointment then. A far better result than I feared! :-)
On Thursday I went to Rhyl to get my haircut by the wonderful and wonderfully talented Penny. Up to now I'd just been growing it and letting it do it's own thing because I didn't really have much of a clue what I wanted to do with it. However, I asked my friends and had a good search on Google and came up with some ideas. Penny wasn't so sure it'd work with the hair I've got so she handed me a few hairstyle magazines when I got to Rhyl and I found a couple more styles I liked. With all that information Penny had an idea of the kind of thing I wanted and then set about personalising my hair to suit my face and my personality and I have to say she totally hit the nail on the head! I love it! In fact the last couple of days I've been getting a wee bit emotional every time I look in the mirror - I finally look like the woman I always felt I was! And this is what it looks like (with the fabulous Penny beside me)...
After my haircut I stayed for the Unique meeting that was being held at the same place. We had a talk from someone doing research for hate crimes which lead to a 'heated debate'.
I also met a young lady there who was recently outed by The Daily (Hate) Mail and has subsequently been the subject of the oik known as Richard Littlejohn's column in the same rag as well as finding herself on the website for the National Front! Now considering she's a copper you can imagine the danger she's now been put in because of some stupid newspaper (if you can call it that!) thinking it's OK to out someone just because they're a transsexual! So, if you can all do me a favour and boycott The Daily (Hate) Mail for the rest of it's existence I'd be extremely grateful!
On Friday I had my fourth session of laser on my beard area. This time she started on my top lip (the most sensitive area!) which made me wonder what I'd done to upset her!! Lol!
However, I am really happy with the results and so must she be as she doesn't want to see me for five weeks (instead of the usual four) when she previously said at the initial consultation it wouldn't be until the sixth session before she started to reassess things.
On Saturday I went to Transforum again (with Jay and Gwen giving me a most welcome lift in their car) where we had lectures on the new equality legislation - which doesn't seem to be worth the paper it's printed on! It's so woolly you just know it's gonna get used and abused by all kinds of unscrupulous people!
Afterwards we went to the Shang Hai for their all-you-can-eat buffet as usual but, whether it was just because it was quieter than usual or I don't know what, they brought out a lot more food to our table than usual - which made the buffet almost superfluous! :-)
So, coming up to date, today I have done the weekly shopping by myself again as John just does not have the energy at the moment. Still, I did have a nice brave soldier type chap collecting for the Heroes charity help me pack which was most welcome! :-)
But John did have the energy to cook some Chilli for tea. :-)
So this was my first week at work and I feel it went very well. There's only one chap I've noticed not make any effort to call me Claire. Whether this is deliberate or he's just thick I don't know and I don't care - it amounts to the same thing. However, I shan't be getting argy with him as I feel that would be counterproductive (unless he did something more obviously transphobic) and am just hoping peer pressure will get to him and he'll follow suit like the rest of them.
So one tiny fly in the ointment then. A far better result than I feared! :-)
On Thursday I went to Rhyl to get my haircut by the wonderful and wonderfully talented Penny. Up to now I'd just been growing it and letting it do it's own thing because I didn't really have much of a clue what I wanted to do with it. However, I asked my friends and had a good search on Google and came up with some ideas. Penny wasn't so sure it'd work with the hair I've got so she handed me a few hairstyle magazines when I got to Rhyl and I found a couple more styles I liked. With all that information Penny had an idea of the kind of thing I wanted and then set about personalising my hair to suit my face and my personality and I have to say she totally hit the nail on the head! I love it! In fact the last couple of days I've been getting a wee bit emotional every time I look in the mirror - I finally look like the woman I always felt I was! And this is what it looks like (with the fabulous Penny beside me)...
I also met a young lady there who was recently outed by The Daily (Hate) Mail and has subsequently been the subject of the oik known as Richard Littlejohn's column in the same rag as well as finding herself on the website for the National Front! Now considering she's a copper you can imagine the danger she's now been put in because of some stupid newspaper (if you can call it that!) thinking it's OK to out someone just because they're a transsexual! So, if you can all do me a favour and boycott The Daily (Hate) Mail for the rest of it's existence I'd be extremely grateful!
On Friday I had my fourth session of laser on my beard area. This time she started on my top lip (the most sensitive area!) which made me wonder what I'd done to upset her!! Lol!
However, I am really happy with the results and so must she be as she doesn't want to see me for five weeks (instead of the usual four) when she previously said at the initial consultation it wouldn't be until the sixth session before she started to reassess things.
On Saturday I went to Transforum again (with Jay and Gwen giving me a most welcome lift in their car) where we had lectures on the new equality legislation - which doesn't seem to be worth the paper it's printed on! It's so woolly you just know it's gonna get used and abused by all kinds of unscrupulous people!
Afterwards we went to the Shang Hai for their all-you-can-eat buffet as usual but, whether it was just because it was quieter than usual or I don't know what, they brought out a lot more food to our table than usual - which made the buffet almost superfluous! :-)
So, coming up to date, today I have done the weekly shopping by myself again as John just does not have the energy at the moment. Still, I did have a nice brave soldier type chap collecting for the Heroes charity help me pack which was most welcome! :-)
But John did have the energy to cook some Chilli for tea. :-)
Monday, 16 August 2010
First Day At Work
So today was my first day at work as Claire and it went rather well. Most made the effort to call me Claire, even if they sometimes forgot, and absolutely no one was at all nasty to me. In fact, the day got off to a great start with the lovely Dianne complimenting me on my appearance. :-) Mike, who has a stutter, was also amusing. I don't think I could've chosen a worst name for him to try to pronounce! Lol!
Also rewarding was having a clear head since all the thoughts of "should I, shouldn't I" (and worse) are gone as I've quite obviously made the decision that I shall! :-) Not being distracted by my dysphoria is something to savour - I just hope it lasts!
So today was wonderfully life affirming and my most common thought of the day was "Why didn't I do this ages ago?"!! :-)
However, I came home to some worrying news... John had another X-Ray today and the X-Rayer was obviously concerned and told John to go see his GP tomorrow but wouldn't tell him what it was! Which is just flipping great - if you're gonna worry someone that's a great way of doing it! Why not just tell him so we can either cry ourselves to sleep or put our minds to rest?!!
Also rewarding was having a clear head since all the thoughts of "should I, shouldn't I" (and worse) are gone as I've quite obviously made the decision that I shall! :-) Not being distracted by my dysphoria is something to savour - I just hope it lasts!
So today was wonderfully life affirming and my most common thought of the day was "Why didn't I do this ages ago?"!! :-)
However, I came home to some worrying news... John had another X-Ray today and the X-Rayer was obviously concerned and told John to go see his GP tomorrow but wouldn't tell him what it was! Which is just flipping great - if you're gonna worry someone that's a great way of doing it! Why not just tell him so we can either cry ourselves to sleep or put our minds to rest?!!
Friday, 13 August 2010
Settling Down
Well, it seems that it took more than a few days for me to get used to the idea that this is permanent (and probably more yet) but I feel like I'm settling into this now... just ready for work next week! Yikes!
I feel the turning point was yesterday when I had a "slob" day cos John had to go back to Preston for a hospital appointment and so I didn't feel the need to do much - didn't even brush my hair! What a slob!
However, it was the first time I felt like I connected with the person staring back at me in the mirror and thought "Yeah, that's me: Claire". :-)
It's an odd thing - if I don't look at my reflection I feel at one with myself... but if I look in the mirror it's another matter. Hopefully, yesterday was a sign of that beginning to change and I can start to find some of that elusive self-belief my counsellors went on about. :-)
I feel the turning point was yesterday when I had a "slob" day cos John had to go back to Preston for a hospital appointment and so I didn't feel the need to do much - didn't even brush my hair! What a slob!
However, it was the first time I felt like I connected with the person staring back at me in the mirror and thought "Yeah, that's me: Claire". :-)
It's an odd thing - if I don't look at my reflection I feel at one with myself... but if I look in the mirror it's another matter. Hopefully, yesterday was a sign of that beginning to change and I can start to find some of that elusive self-belief my counsellors went on about. :-)
Tuesday, 10 August 2010
Psychological Adjustment
One of the things that have surprised me are the adjustments I've had to make psychologically.
Even though I've wanted to make this transition for a long long while it took me a few days to adjust to the realisation that this is forever now.
Call me naive but I wasn't expecting it to require a psychological adjustment that this is forever - it is, after all, exactly what I want! And I've wanted it for a long long time! All the same, it did take a few days of adjustment to get my head around achieving my goal.
Another psychological adjustment is the realisation that I was actually afraid of being girly! I guess I was afraid if I did so I'd do exactly what I have done - transition. Well, there's nothing to be afraid of and now I am 'letting the girl out' and making a few changes here and there.
The first major one is my hairstyle. My hair is currently a mess and I dislike it a great deal but I was devoid of ideas of what to do with it. So I put an appeal on Facebook and was suggested a bob - something I'd previously turned my nose up because it was too girly! I did a Google search and had a trawl through all the pictures and found a style that is sort of bobby but is actually called a shag(!!). I like it a great deal and have passed the pictures on to Penny (the wonderful lady who did my makeover last month) and I'm now awaiting feedback. I'm worried that my hair may be too greasy to achieve that style but we'll see what Penny says.
The last psychological adjustment I want to talk about is my identity. Before this week I'd been keen to find out about speech therapy, hormones and GRS as I thought that's what I'd require to make a success of my transition. However, I am now worried about losing my identity if I do so.
Thus I feel if I seek to feminise my voice I am in fact perverting my identity. Likewise (and more obviously so) if I take hormones and undergo GRS (there are other factors why I'm unsure of these as well of course - like my family's health history!).
I also fear if I start on a path of trying to hide the fact I was born male it will make me feel self-concious again and, when that was a motivator for me transitioning in the first place, I don't want to go back to that place if I can help it. If nothing else, these first few days of my transition, I am very much enjoying the sense of liberty I have of being able to be myself and not shutting down parts of my personality because that doesn't fit the gender norm. So I'm not going to willingly throw that liberty away now I've finally got it!
Of course, talking about the future is rarely a good idea because you never know how things are gonna turn out and, for example, if I was on the dole for a couple of years because I hadn't managed to find an employer liberal minded enough to give an openly transgendered person a job I may very well change my mind (if not long before!).
However, I am hoping things will continue much the way they have - that if you are confident in yourself then people just go with it. Yup, having balls sure gets you a long way in life! :-D
Even though I've wanted to make this transition for a long long while it took me a few days to adjust to the realisation that this is forever now.
Call me naive but I wasn't expecting it to require a psychological adjustment that this is forever - it is, after all, exactly what I want! And I've wanted it for a long long time! All the same, it did take a few days of adjustment to get my head around achieving my goal.
Another psychological adjustment is the realisation that I was actually afraid of being girly! I guess I was afraid if I did so I'd do exactly what I have done - transition. Well, there's nothing to be afraid of and now I am 'letting the girl out' and making a few changes here and there.
The first major one is my hairstyle. My hair is currently a mess and I dislike it a great deal but I was devoid of ideas of what to do with it. So I put an appeal on Facebook and was suggested a bob - something I'd previously turned my nose up because it was too girly! I did a Google search and had a trawl through all the pictures and found a style that is sort of bobby but is actually called a shag(!!). I like it a great deal and have passed the pictures on to Penny (the wonderful lady who did my makeover last month) and I'm now awaiting feedback. I'm worried that my hair may be too greasy to achieve that style but we'll see what Penny says.
The last psychological adjustment I want to talk about is my identity. Before this week I'd been keen to find out about speech therapy, hormones and GRS as I thought that's what I'd require to make a success of my transition. However, I am now worried about losing my identity if I do so.
Thus I feel if I seek to feminise my voice I am in fact perverting my identity. Likewise (and more obviously so) if I take hormones and undergo GRS (there are other factors why I'm unsure of these as well of course - like my family's health history!).
I also fear if I start on a path of trying to hide the fact I was born male it will make me feel self-concious again and, when that was a motivator for me transitioning in the first place, I don't want to go back to that place if I can help it. If nothing else, these first few days of my transition, I am very much enjoying the sense of liberty I have of being able to be myself and not shutting down parts of my personality because that doesn't fit the gender norm. So I'm not going to willingly throw that liberty away now I've finally got it!
Of course, talking about the future is rarely a good idea because you never know how things are gonna turn out and, for example, if I was on the dole for a couple of years because I hadn't managed to find an employer liberal minded enough to give an openly transgendered person a job I may very well change my mind (if not long before!).
However, I am hoping things will continue much the way they have - that if you are confident in yourself then people just go with it. Yup, having balls sure gets you a long way in life! :-D
All Change
So, now being post transition, I've decided to amalgamate all my blogs into one. And this is it! (In case you hadn't already worked that out!)
The next thing I should say is that I've realised the mistake I made with my previous blogs - I wasn't always honest and forthright. Well, this blog will be, so beware - you might not like what you read! My blog is often the only way I can get my thoughts out into the open (often not having the courage to voice them publicly) and so if I'm holding back to spare people's feelings I'm not doing myself any favours. So, sorry, that will not be happening any more. I obviously won't set out to intentionally hurt people though and, if I do hurt your feelings, don't feel you just have to sit back and take it! Tackle me on it! It may very well be a simple misunderstanding. And anyway, I like a good argument (in writing)! :-)
As this blog is an amalgamation of my previous blogs it will thus be a bit haphazard and an entry may very well just be a crossword or a bunch of lyrics I've written to a non-existent song and I make no apologies for that. My imagination is rather scattered so it's only fair that my blog reflect that.
Another thing I should say is that I don't blog very often and so, if you really want to see what I'm up to, your task will be made far easier if you track me down on Facebook (email if you want the details).
So this is it - a new blog for a new(ish) me!
Claire xx
The next thing I should say is that I've realised the mistake I made with my previous blogs - I wasn't always honest and forthright. Well, this blog will be, so beware - you might not like what you read! My blog is often the only way I can get my thoughts out into the open (often not having the courage to voice them publicly) and so if I'm holding back to spare people's feelings I'm not doing myself any favours. So, sorry, that will not be happening any more. I obviously won't set out to intentionally hurt people though and, if I do hurt your feelings, don't feel you just have to sit back and take it! Tackle me on it! It may very well be a simple misunderstanding. And anyway, I like a good argument (in writing)! :-)
As this blog is an amalgamation of my previous blogs it will thus be a bit haphazard and an entry may very well just be a crossword or a bunch of lyrics I've written to a non-existent song and I make no apologies for that. My imagination is rather scattered so it's only fair that my blog reflect that.
Another thing I should say is that I don't blog very often and so, if you really want to see what I'm up to, your task will be made far easier if you track me down on Facebook (email if you want the details).
So this is it - a new blog for a new(ish) me!
Claire xx
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