First off I went to a support group in Waterloo (Merseyside) with my good friends Jay and Gillian. Which didn't turn out to be terribly useful to me as it was too Liverpool centric. But the people there were lovely and it was great to meet Vikki-Marie properly after only really knowing her through Facebook. And I also met the much talked about Renatta (Sp?) - a lovely vicar who doesn't force religion down your throat - who is quite shockingly trendy, calling everyone "babes" and stuff. She could be the thin version of the Vicar Of Dibley in many respects! Lol!
One of the things that was featuring largely in my thoughts was the meeting I had on Wednesday with the 'loony inspector' - a Dr Ash, who's reputation is for being rather obstructive. Certainly, for someone who is the trans expert in Lancs, I found him surprisingly uncomfortable in the presence of a trans person (me). But I couldn't help feeling motherly towards him and wanted to comfort the poor chap who was obviously in some distress with his stammer getting really quite pronounced at times!
Anyway, if I were to interpret how his mind worked on Wednesday, I would say he took one look at me and thought "Yep, you're in" ("in" being a referral to a Gender Identity Clinic) and then set about confirming a few facts about me. Sadly, he wasn't going to nail his colours to the mast at that time but he gave me a strong indication that he was gonna refer me to Charing Cross which, if it comes to fruition, will mean trips down to London to get the specialist help I need.
Yes, London!
The state of care for trans people in this country is such that there are very few Gender Identity Clinics in the country; and Lancashire, and even Greater Manchester, do not have one at all! So Lancashire Primary Care Trust have an agreement with Charing Cross all the way down in London to send their trans people there!
There are GICs in Sheffield and Leeds but Lancs PCT would have to justify sending me there which could complicate things. Besides Leeds don't have a very good reputation and Sheffield see very few at all! There is also another one in Nottingham but Lancs PCT have no arrangement with them at all!
However, I have nothing in writing yet so will just have to wait and bide my time. However, given Dr Ash's reputation, I shall be reminding him at the end of the month if nothing's come through before then.
Anyway, the upshot of my meeting on Wednesday was that I left feeling a lot more positive about myself. I have a very good indication that I'm not a loony and that my feelings about myself are real. This has given me a lot of confidence - even without having it in writing!
Um... I suppose a recap of a few other things is due here of how my confidence has been building...
A bit more than a week ago I visited a hair salon for the very first time as Claire. Now some trans folk have told horror stories about visits to hairdressers and so I was quite a bit nervous but, as things turned out, I had nothing to worry about. I was met with nothing but friendliness.
I've also been visiting a nail salon in town to try and sort my nails out. Sadly, the acrylic overlays I had done (which were done to try and rectify a mess another salon had made of them) were not to my liking so I had them removed and now my nails are as weak as they've ever been and constantly break! So they're now as short as they've ever been since I was a serial nail biter! Anyway, all that is largely beside the point because the benefit I've got out from visiting the nail salon is yet more interaction with the real world where, if you believe some trans folk, I should've been eaten alive(!) but in fact I've been met with nothing but friendliness and treated just like any other customer. Which has done wonders for my confidence - I AM NORMAL! You don't get that from visiting specialist trans businesses. Specialists don't deal in normality. Their whole reason for existence is to cater to exclusivity.
Another reason for my self-confidence improving is from living full-time as Claire. Doing so has enabled me to realise even more about myself. Such as I'm still treating certain items of clothing as taboo and I'm still repressing myself. This is just silly!
So a change of mind has occurred where I'm thinking "The last thing I want to do is give any illusions that I'm male" so I've been wearing more classically female clothing rather than sticking with the tomboy image before I transitioned. I really don't want to be wearing a shirt and trousers any more! Unfortunately, I don't have a lot in the way of dresses and so, without a lot in the way of funds, I've been wearing stuff that may not be wholly appropriate (like the 'little black dress' I wore to TREC (Trans Resource and Empowerment Centre) yesterday) but it's a whole lot better than jeans and a shirt!
So my confidence has been improving quietly but surely since I transitioned in August.
I still shock myself when I think how far I've come. You can possibly imagine the trauma I've been through to get where I am today. The times I came home from work in tears because I was so distraught with my situation! Well, I can safely say that it's all been worth it because I'm the happiest I've ever been. It might have been more obvious to others but even I've noticed I'm laughing a whole lot more! And I can't remember the last time someone told me to cheer up and stop looking so miserable - something that was quite a regular occurrence before!
So, anyway, where were we?
Ah, yes! My week so far...
So after my meeting with the 'loony inspector' I was feeling a lot more positive about life.
Then yesterday I went to TREC where I briefly joined in with the Arts & Crafts Workshop and then went over to the Gaydio studios in the afternoon.
I was a bit disappointed with the Arts & Crafts Workshop as I'd been hoping to get a bit of instruction in something I hadn't perhaps done before. But the only instruction I got was to draw something I'd enjoyed doing at TREC (which was Penny's Beauty Workshop and Making Friends) - something which I could easily have done at home if I'd been so inclined! So I didn't stick with that very long and joined Jay and Jennifer for lunch at the Japanese restaurant we went to for Sparkle. The food was lovely again. I had a mixed tempura obento which is a selection of seafood and veg fried in tempura batter and served with noodles, rice and salad. Delish! (See pic below)
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Then we returned to TREC for the visit to the Gaydio studios where we were shown how the mixing desk and software-loading-program-thingy work! Which just made me want to be a DJ even more than I did already! :-)
After that about seven of us went to the Shang Hi restaurant as usual where we had the usual delicious all-you-can-eat buffet and Jennifer and Gillian signed their deed polls which brought back memories of when I signed mine and I can only hope they were as happy as I was. They certainly looked it at any rate! :-)
And that about concludes my news for now.
I'm on holiday this next week so can relax and catch up on some much needed sleep! :-)
